A Day To Remember

I don't know if I will be able to express well how I feel right now but one thing for sure it will last the whole day.  The title itself "A Day To Remember" is so broad for me due to so many thoughts in my mind and only one emotion : sadness :(

We all know that October is a month celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness.  When I got my mammography schedule yesterday which I hope you have read my entry  then you guys know the fear inside me.  I was not able to sleep tight last night because I was thinking of my mom.  You see, she died of breast cancer :(  She was diagnosed on a 4th degree level already so they couldn't do anything anymore but she was given series of chemotherapy which only helped her die fast ... i guess.  Since we were just waiting ...yeah the waiting game will drive one crazy ... she was at our home for a month with open lungs and heart and only a tube was inserted so that impurities will flow out.  Why?  She's diabetic and asthmatic so it complicated her case more.

How come it was diagnosed too late?  FEAR is the answer.  My mom is so scared for check-ups and no matter what we do she gets to escape pretty fast.  I will never forget the day we had a mother-daughter talk on her death bed.  She told me to go through mammography test and I should not be scared like she was for check-ups.  She admitted it was her fault all because of fear.  I never blamed her if I may say.  The sad part is that she died only at 58 years old ... very young and full of life ... then the next day she lost weight, hair. and does not want to eat beacuse it's so painful to swallow.

Yes mom, I will go to my scheduled mammography next month for I know you will be beside me ... as always.

Here's a quick card I made early this morning:

until then......